set an intention, not a resolution
as the end of the year gathers its final threads and wraps them wayningly around our legs, the lure of new awaits. a new year, new experiences, new goals, new you. and new years resolutions.
while you round the corner on new goals, consider some science and philosophy around making them stick (this time:)
truth: the things we want, are not what we really want. we’re after is what they will GET us. or more truthfully, what we THINK they will get us.
you don’t want more money to have those green backs in hand, or numbers in your account, and if you do, well, that’s all ego. you want the feeling it will give you - whether it’s more stability, freedom, or time to travel or the ability to upgrade that dragging area your life. as your mind sees it, this thing will give you wings. it will allow you to finally grab more freedom, or get on that path that has been blocked for so long. that path you deserve.
yet this is just about the greatest lie on the planet: ill be happy when i get_____. [fill in the blank, and feel that hit of dopamine :]
time and time again, we get the thing. and it does not bring the fulfillment we seek. so our mind changes the goalpost, and we’re on the chase again. in fact, you have a lifetime of things. are you still seeking?
why doesn’t this work and what can we do, THIS YEAR, to pursue a more true form of happiness. you know, the kind that’s sticky to the soul, and stays after that dopamine hit slinks away. how do we draw more authentic dreams toward lasting wellbeing?
in 12 years studying the science of happiness and 5 years teaching yoga, both practices can shed some light on this pursuit. after all, it’s the fundamental pursuit of wo/man: to be truly happy.
here are a few tips, which we’ll explore at the Sankalpa Workshop on Jan 1st.
start here: it’s already part of you.
the FIRST THING is, if we’re after the goal from a place of lack, thinking we don’t have the thing but we need it to be complete, then we’re eluding ourselves before we begin. this is one reason we get the thing but not the satisfaction.
we get the money and don’t feel the freedom. we get some stability only to be destabilized in another way. or heck, we see the numbers in our account finally, puff up our chest in victory! then return to our lives, where little else has changed, noticing the feeling has ghosted us. it’s just gone. the gloomy reality returns that we still have mommy issues, relationship challenges, or just that indistinct sense of sadness when we’re alone. it’s a unfulfilling cycle we’ve all tumbled through.
yet, when we recognize the thing we really want is ALREADY INSIDE of us, we can approach it differently: from a place of abundance instead of lack. empowerment instead of need. desire instead of desperation.
because, our true goal is to activate a feeling we already know. what we’re after is expanding something that we’ve tasted. that is a part of us. we fundamentally desire to grow more fully into who we are.
but, what if the thing we want, is not within us already? then guess what. it was never ours to begin with. and it’s not a goal we’ll ever feel complete attaining. think lots of effort with lots of emptiness.
so the process of setting authentic intentions, insists we accept who we are. a pretty desirable side effect, if you ask me. or the yogi’s. or aristotle.
so you realize it’s within you. then what?
something subtle happens.
it’s a direction not a destination.
it becomes not just about getting the thing, the money, or numbers in the account. but about experiencing more freedom now. or stability. or time. by acknowledging that our happiness will not magically flood in upon attaining this thing, but it will grow through our journey to realize it within ourselves, well, then we become empowered over what we desire. hey, i can give myself more time, freedom, stability, now.
this is where the alchemy of sankalpa begins. the sanskrit word translates to a heartfelt intention, that unfolds over time and brings us closer to our source.
wait. what? yes. it is a living dichotomy! you have to become the thing to get the thing. another truth: we’re all both whole and complete and on our way. we’re all both being and becoming.
be broad.
when we approach the thing as a direction instead of a destination, we also start to broaden where we look for it, how we sense it, and what actions will bring it into our lives. we have all experienced that where your attention goes energy flows, so we start to see it in all kinds of places.
because seeing is believing. but, more powerfully, believing is seeing.
we find other expressions of freedom, time or stability. we begin to open to new ways to feel and also express what we’re after. we become the change.
we shift from sourcing it externally (an unreliable path sure to stir up attachments and disappointments galore) to sourcing it from within. we become the reliable narrator of our our life. the captain of our ship.
it’s about sharing your gifts.
the goal is now more than a destination, or external thing, which we all know is a recipe for lackluster happiness. it’s our path. let me repeat that part. it’s OURS. it has shape shifted and is now about exploring that immeasurable cavern of possibility inside ourselves, toward our dharma, and purpose.
our ability to cultivate it, experience it and to expand our LIGHT grows. and hey, that’s what we’re here on this planet for isn’t it? to share our gifts with the world. nothing is more satisfying than being on your unique journey to discover your light, and grow more than you ever thought possible in your own expression. goose pimples? me too. now that’s empowering.
push or pull?
we’ve all felt the limitations of traditional resolutions. the word itself suggests a finite quality, leading us to believe if we can muster the strength and fuss and fight our nature enough, we will get the thing. the feeling will be ours. victorious! but we’ve all been around long enough to know that is rare. and when it does happen there are other mysteries at play. so the very yang energy of resolutions asks us, with an incredibly high failure rate, to pump ourselves up get some grit and just do it.
what if instead of pushing to make it happen, we were naturally pulled toward it? it’s a whole different energy. and, success rate.
a sankalpa activates this energy by doing the archeology upfront to get to the desire itself, not the thing that we hope will give us the desire. it asks us to uncover what we really want, to engage in an excavation of our own truth.
hard work! yes. but a smoother and more fulfilling path. because it’s our life. and nothing is more fundamental to our nature, or our intrinsic motivation, to become more fully who we are.
so this year, consider starting from the place that you are already whole and complete. realize that what you seek, is seeking you (~ Rumi). begin experiencing and ultimately sharing the light already inside of you. realize you are both being, and becoming.
because you are a star, and are here to shine.
a little recap:
it’s already inside of you. start there.
your true desire is to grow more fully into you.
its a direction, not a destination.
~ sunny
